


All These Things I've Done

by loonyBibliophile



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post SBURB, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 01:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonyBibliophile/pseuds/loonyBibliophile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took all of a few minutes for Jade's friends to forgive her for everything she did while under the Batterwitch's control. After all, nothing she did had any real long lasting consequences. Everyone was still alive, they survived and beat the game together, Jade helping them the whole time once she broke free. But even after they finally escaped the game's clutches, Jade can't quite forgive herself, and not just for what she did while possessed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All These Things I've Done

**Author's Note:**

> I've always felt very strongly that because the responsibility of getting everyone to play was firmly on Jade's shoulders, that even after it was all over, she would feel a lot of guilt and blame herself for a lot of things, especially anything that harmed other people, like her stint in grimbark or when she shot Dave on accident. This is just sort of an exploration of that with a side of Dave doing his best to be comforting. The title, if anyone is curious, is from Lego House by Ed Sheeran, because nothing is more DaveJade that white dudes half rapping love songs.

It had been a few months since the game ended, and even though her friends were fine, Jade had never managed to shake her lingering guilt. After all, it was her fault. She was the one who saw their faces drifting in the Skaian clouds. She was the one who reached out to them, desperate for people to relate to, and because of the vague since of obligation her dreams imbued her with. The universe had entrusted her with the task of bringing them together to play the game. And while it had brought the three people she loved more dearly than anything into her life, it had placed the blame of the entire bloody experience squarely on her shoulders. Had she never introduced them all, has she never sought them out in the first place, she thought, they'd have lived their lives out blissfully ignorant of the fate that almost befell them. But in her selfish need to solve the mystery of the faces in the clouds, her selfish desire to have friends that weren't fictional or dogs or flowers, she had brought them to the brink of death over and over and over again. 

On some more practical level, she knew that the will of the universe, for the four of them to play the game, would have always been enacted. But on an emotional level, the guilt tore her apart. And not just because she brought everyone together before the game, but because of the events of the game itself. Even though her will had not been her own at times, she had hurt and frightened her friends. Her distress just puzzled John, he was always frowning and tilting his head at her, as if he couldn't figure out any reason she had to feel bad. Rose tried to appeal to her practicality whenever she could, reminding jade that Skaia has a will of its own and that everything that happened was out of their control. She never mentioned it to Dave. She was closer to him than John or Rose, but she could never bare to mention any of it to him. Because he was the thing she felt worse about. After all, he was the one she murdered. 

It was late, just past three in the morning, as Jade perched on the roof of Dave's apartment complex, where she was staying until she found a more permanent residence in the US. She wrapped her arms around her legs, clutching her knees to her chest, as the shaking of her breath fogged up her glasses. There was a chill in the air, not much, but enough to make Jade who was used to tropical weather shiver. Her toes were bare and pressed against the rough surface of the roof as she stared out over the Houston skyline, thoughts tumbling in her head. 

She didn't hear footsteps approaching from behind her, or the quiet swing of the rooftop door before that, but she knew he was there. She wasn't sure if it was Bec's powers, or some strange locationary thing from her space powers, but she always knew when her friends were nearby. Especially Dave, as if there was a radar in her mind specially attuned to his almost silent presence. He sat down beside her without a word, wearing his sunglasses even though it was dark on the roof. they were both silent for awhile. 

"Do you hate me for the things I did to you?" Jade spoke up suddenly, her voice quiet. 

"Woah, what? That is like, the last thing I expected you to say? Why the hell would I hate you?"

"Because, it's all my fault. No one hates the game more than you do. You sacrificed yourself for all of us over and over again and I know you hated, and you never would have had to if I hadn't dragged us all into this mess. I'm the one who made us all play the game and I'm the one who shot you in the chest even though you were just trying to help me and I'm the one who terrorized you when I was grimbark because I was sore at you over Davesprite and because the batterwitch made me and it was just... I was awful to you. And it sucks!!! It sucks with everyone else too but... especially with you. Cuz you were supposed to be this... god never mind. I'm just. I'm so sorry." She shook her head, her dog ears drooping to the sides as her hair shook around her face. 

"Jade.. Jade none of that shit was your fault. Hell, you killing me was my fault. I never mentioned it, but I knew that was going to happen. Stable time loop. I help you, you get your shit done I die. I never told you because I knew it would freak you out. Also because well, I kinda wanted to pretend the first time we met didn't end in me shot up with lead. I never dreamed you'd blame yourself. I guess I shoulda told you." he shrugged. "And come on, Harley. You can seriously blame yourself for getting possessed by the Batterbitch." 

"Doesn't matter. None of it matters because even if it wasn't my fault I did things that hurt my friends! I did things that hurt you! I hurt your feelings and I hurt Davesprite's feelings and I hurt you physically! You should hate me! I hurt you when all I ever wanted was to finally-" she cut herself off by shaking her head silently and sinking her head onto her knees.

"Come on, Jade. Finish your sentences." 

"All I ever did was hurt you when all I ever wanted was to finally get to know the person I thought was literally the boy of my dreams. I've been seeing you in my dreams since I was a kid, the others too but mostly you, and I always wondered who you were and what you were like and I'd think about what it would be like to meet you. And then I did and you were even better than the you my imagination made up and then I hurt you over and over again. And you should hate me for what I did to you because I hate me for what I did to you." her voice came out low and muffled by her knees and hair. Dave exhaled loudly. 

"Shit, Harley. Why haven't you ever you know, unloaded any of the tremendously heavy shit on me before? I thought we were pretty good friends." 

"Because. It's not your job to deal with this stuff. I lived alone most of my life, I can sort through it on my own. You don't need to help me anymore. I hurt you too much." her head was still buried in her knees, white ears twitching sadly against her mess of dark hair. There was silence for a long time, and then she heard fabric shuffling and suddenly her body was being lifted off the roof slightly and tugged over until she was positioned firmly on top of and completely surrounded by something warm. She moved her head, only to find she was crushed up against Dave's chest, having been pulled into his lap. He tilted her face upwards. 

"You listen to me, Jade Harley. All four of us, we've gone through hell. We got in together. We stayed there together. We got out together. We all did shit we regret. We all did things that weren't our faults. But what the hell's the use in having us here, these people who I know for a fact you'd both kill for and die for, if you won't let us, or in this case specifically me, help you?"

"But I'm supposed to be the happy well adjusted one!! Rose is the mysterious girl with dark tendencies who overcomes her own turmoil and triumphs, John is the hero with a capital H who powers through despair and keeps everyone together, you're the underdog hero who won't admit that he's a true hero who would do anything for the people he cares for, and I'm the cheerful girl who boosts everyone's moral and keeps things going from the back end. I'm not supposed to be sad that's not my job!!"

"Bull fucking shit, Harley. That load of bullshit you just dropped is so god damn big it will knock this apartment building over, cause a tsunami, and flood the entire gulf of Texas. People screaming and dying in the streets... shit that was probably a shitty metaphor for this context. Too late to go back now. But seriously. If you wanna cry and scream and like, sob and snot all over me, go the hell ahead, I will be your living breathing kleenex. I'm definitely white enough to be a tissue, I'm like, so white. I know you're like, this super rough em tough em island chick and you have it all internalized you have to kick everyone's ass and not have any negative feelings or whatever, but it's a sack of shit. I know I like to talk about how I'm no knight or hero or any bull like that, but if you know what? I will be your goddamn night in ridiculous plush armor because just because you can do something by yourself doesn't mean you should have to." he coughed awkwardly after he finished speaking, shifting as much as he could with the albeit small weight of Jade in his lap. Jade sniffed, rubbing her eyes with the sleeves of her shirts, though it wasn't clear whether she'd been crying or was merely tired. Her classes sat crooked on her nose, disturbed by her hand. 

"You know I used to imagine some day you'd come find me, somehow, and get me off that stupid island. It was so lonely there, really all I could do was think about finding you guys or you guys finding me and as much as I hate the game at least I... at least I got you guys out of it. And then it tried to take you away from me and it tried to make me do it and it just... it sucked a lot."

"Well, we're out of that goddamn hellhole now and I am staying right the fuck here with you and not going any kind of where. Because you are Jade Goddamn Harley, and I will swan dive into the gulf of Mexico in a smuppet bikini if it will make you smile that flawless goddamn buck toothed smile again because I don't have a damn clue what Id do with out you... Wow okay that statement was a lot more serious than original intended." the last part of his statement was mumbled, his nose, cheeks and ears flushing bright red.

Leaning in even further, Jade wrapped her arms around the expanse of his chest, hugging him tightly. 

"I always knew you were gonna be a hero. But I'm glad you're mine."

"Slay dragons for you any day, Harley. or you know, just beat up lowlife fuck heads who stare at your ass on the street. Basically the same thing." he nodded sagely. Jade giggled, pulling herself away from his chest slightly and pushing his shades up into his hair. "Hey, woah now, ain't it a little early for you to be getting me naked?"

"Oh shut up, Strider." she rolled her eyes, before leaning up the few inches to his face and kissing him softly. He chuckled and leaned down to meet her lips, drawing one hand across her lower back and the other into her air, scratching the base of her dog ears. They twitched happily and he broke away from the kiss to laugh. Jade frowned at him as deeply as she could. 

"Don't even say it." 

"Good dog. Best girlfriend." 

"You suck." she rolled her eyes once more, but she was laughing when he leaned down to kiss her again.


End file.
